“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama
I humbly offer that compassion is an undeniable aspect of the human heart. As free humans, we have a choice to tap into it or not.
We can choose to let our judgments, unconscious mindsets, and opinions run the show. After all, isn’t that often the norm in a culture that values having an opinion?
What may not be the norm is to consider the pain of another. Particularly one we do not understand or who might have different perspectives on the multitude of world events swirling around us.
There are a couple of ways to go.
– We can “mobilize” behind our beliefs.
– We can open our hearts to the pain of this world. There sure is a lot of it.
The first lets us be right, which by default makes a whole lot of the population wrong. The second option takes courage and a heart that is wide and deep. It requires letting down our defenses bolstered by well-cultivated belief systems to feel the pain of others.
When I complained about this or that as a young adult (which was often), my dearly departed stepfather, Jack, would often say”, I cried because I had no shoes until I saw the man with no feet”. This metaphor lives with me to this day.
I had lunch with a good friend recently. She is caring and compassionate towards her family, friends, animals, and the world. Her heart is saddened by what she sees around her in the collective consciousness. This unnamed friend has been told by others that “she cares too much”. Tell me, in this broken and divisive world, how is it even possible to “care too much”?
What I notice is that before any of us can truly extend compassion to others, we need to shower ourselves with self-compassion, love and forgiveness. Mindfulness teacher Kristen Neff speaks about this eloquently as she outlines the three components of self-compassion:
1. Become aware of your negative emotions and judgements so that your feelings are neither suppressed nor are they taking you down the rabbit hole of self-flagellation.
2. Find kindness and warm understanding towards yourself vs. harsh judgement. A good question to ask yourself might be: How might I comfort a friend experiencing the same thing I am?
3. Understand your “common humanity” which simply means acknowledging that you are not alone. Others are going through the same challenges you are. This does not mean you minimize your troubles, simply that you fully acknowledge that others share your challenges. You are not the only one.
On the other side of the coin, feeling compassion for another also does not mean we lose ourselves in their grief or take on all the problems of the world. That is simply too much. There is a balance to strike.
Whether it is compassion towards yourself or others; I invite you to let your heart be open. As you extend care and understanding, your heart might break a bit. Certainly, mine does. That is not always a bad thing. Out of a broken heart can come a wellspring of love that can heal the world. It is a slow process that calls for patience.
As a coach and a mindfulness meditation teacher, I am undeniably in the position of giving and receiving compassion without reservation. It is an honor that can be painful and enlivening, often at the same time.
I conclude with the well-know words of Rumi.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field, I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.”
How willing are you to step out of your comfort zone, lie down in that grass, and let your heart lead?
Give it a try, maybe even today.
Compassion is free.
May you follow the call of your inner truth.
Peace,
Cynde
Cynde Denson is a certified Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Mentor, a certified ICF Life and Executive Coach, Yoga Instructor and group facilitator. For more information about Cynde’s services, click here.
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